| Lyrics: | parody of "That Old Black Magic" by Glenn Miller & His Orchestra,
from the movie "Star-Spangled
Rhythm")
That old back scratcher has me in its spell,
That old back scratcher like
the Chinese sell.
Your plastic fingers up and down my spine,
The same old itchcraft when
your touch meets mine.
You tame that tingle when I'm all alone;
For I am single, so, to
itch his own.
So down and down you go,
Around and around and around you
go;
Scratching my unreachable zone.
I should throw you away,
But I never
do;
I must give in to itchy skin.
A skin with such a burning desire;
When I'm
scratching low,
The itching gets higher.
Oh, you're the scrubber that placated
me,
That chased each place that irritated me;
And then, last night, you broke my
heart.
Because I sat down on you,
Two hundred pounds on you,
Then, snap,
crack,
Everything just went black
My wonderful old back scratcher fell apart.
Yes, you broke in half,
And now you're too short;
I tried Scotch tape as a
last resort.
But with Scotch tape it wasn't the same;
The thrill that was wild is suddenly
tame.
But, Old Man Sorrow will not get me down;
I leave tomorrow night for
Chinatown.
For I must follow Heaven's plan:
Around and around I'll go,
Through
Chinatown I'll go,
Hoping to find another one just like you,
An old Chinese back scratcher
made in Japan!
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