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Lyrics for Scene Five The Wet T Shirt Contest by Zappa Frank:
| | | Artist: | Zappa Frank |
| | Album: | Joes Garage Act I | | Track: | Scene Five The Wet T Shirt Contest | | | | Date Added: | 18/10/2007 | | Views: | 295 | | | | Lyrics: | ---- --- --- -- --
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by Toad-O's road crew,
and
being too exhausted to do their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is
dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she
tries to pick up a few bucks by
entering the Wet T-shirt contest at *The
Brasserie...*
Ike:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around
here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they
all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
'Cause the sign outside
says it's
WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some
Hot delight
Well the girls
are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are
delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they
are
Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says
it's
WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some
Pink delight
When the water gets
on 'em
Their *ninnies* get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common
reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N' all of the fellas
They
wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off
tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You
know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's
WET
T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES!
WET
ONES!
BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY *(who had been recently de-frocked
for not
meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and bought a groovy sport
coat and
moved to Miami and changed his name to BUDDY JONES)* steps onto
the crowded bandstand in his
exciting new role as a *WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
EMCEE...*
Buddy Jones:
Ah, thanks,
IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-shirt TIME AGAIN
Here at the *Brasserie...*
Home of THE
TITS...*huh huh...*
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the
semi-finals...
Hi, Mary...howya doin'?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in
the crew, MARY does not
recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory
basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills...confounded
by his
sport coat, she replies...
Mary:
Hi!
Realizing that she no longer
recognizes him...or even appreciates the
patient religious training he had given her in the
past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true *WET T-SHIRT EMCEE* type person, proceeds to say
various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer,
thereby giving
the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity
to buy more exciting
beverages...liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they
might more fully enjoy the
ambiance of *Miami By Night...*
Buddy Jones:
Where
ya from?
Mary:
Ah, the bus...
Buddy Jones:
Which
one?
Mary:
You know...the last tour...
You know...Leather
Buddy
Jones:
Oh...you were the girl stuck to seat 38 *Phydeaux III...* why don't you
get in
position and take a deep breath, because this water is very, very
cold, but it's goin' to be so
stimulating. And Mary's the kind of Red-
Blooded American Girl who'll do
anything...
Mary:
Anything...
Buddy Jones:
I said anything...for
fifty bucks
That's right!
Mary:
I really need the fifty bucks you know
I
gotta get home!
Buddy Jones:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool
shed...that's
right, you heard right...our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars
to
the girl with the most exciting *mammalian protuberances...*
Mary:
Here I
am!
Buddy Jones:
...as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort
of
male person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON
UNDERGARMENT! Whoopee! And
here comes THE WATER!
Mary:
*EEEK!*
Buddy Jones:
No, you'd squeak
more if the water got on you...sounds like you just got
an ice pick in the forehead...AND HERE
COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD
...a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a
mess...she's
totally soaked...yeh, totally committed to the fifty bucks...That's it
just
step into the spotlight...let the guys get a good look at ya honey!
Mary:
Here I
am!
Buddy Jones:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's
about shakin' it around a little...
Mary:
Ooooh!
Buddy Jones:
Oh my
goodness, look at her go!
Mary:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm
dancing!
Buddy Jones:
Ain't this what living is really all about! Here's your fifty
bucks
Mary...
Mary:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
Buddy
Jones:
Home is where the heart is.
Mary:
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