|
|
|
- 390,531 lyrics
- 24,313 artists
|
|
|
Lyrics for The Wet T Shirt Contest by Zappa Frank:
| | | Artist: | Zappa Frank |
| | Album: | Joes Garage | | Track: | The Wet T Shirt Contest | | | | Date Added: | 18/10/2007 | | Views: | 301 | | | | Lyrics: | After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by Toad-O's road crew,
and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY
is dumped in Miami. With no money (and no other famous
rock groups
due into the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a
few bucks
by entering the Wet T-shirt contest at The Brasserie...
Ike:
Looks to me like
something funny Is going on around here People
laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin' Entirely too
much for their beer And
they all think they are Clean outa-site And they're ready to
party
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE 'N' they all
crave some Hot
delight Well the girls are excited Because in a
minute They're gonna get wet 'N' the boys are
delighted Because all
the titties Will get 'em upset 'N' they all think they
are
Reety-awright 'N' they're ready to boogie 'Cause the sign outside
says it's WET
T-SHIRT NITE 'N' they all crave some Pink delight When
the water gets on 'em Their ninnies get
rigid 'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction That makes an attraction Whenever it's
cold
'N' all of the fellas They wish they could bite On the cute little
nuggets The local
girls are showin' off tonite You know I think it
serves 'em right You know I think it serves
'em right You know I
think it serves 'em right You know I think it serves 'em right
And
it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN I know you want someone to show you some
tit! BIG ONES!
WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for
not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and bought a
groovy sport coat and
moved to Miami and changed his name to BUDDY
JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand in his
exciting new role as
a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
Buddy Jones:
Ah, thanks,
IKE... Yes, it's WET T-shirt TIME AGAIN Here at the
Brasserie... Home of THE TITS...huh huh...
And it's the charming
Mary from Canoga Park Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,
Mary...howya doin'?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY
does not
recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement
during which she acquired her basic manual
skills...confounded by his sport coat, she
replies...
Mary:
Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him...or
even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY
JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say
various stupid things to waste time,
making the contest itself take
longer, thereby giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance
floor
an opportunity to buy more exciting beverages...liquid products that
will expand
their consciousnesses to the point whereby they might
more fully enjoy the ambiance of Miami By
Night...
Buddy Jones:
Where ya from?
Mary:
Ah, the
bus...
Buddy Jones:
Which one?
Mary:
You know...the last tour... You
know...Leather
Buddy Jones:
Oh...you were the girl stuck to seat 38 Phydeaux III...
why don't
you get in position and take a deep breath, because this water is
very, very
cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And Mary's the
kind of Red- Blooded American Girl
who'll do anything...
Mary:
Anything...
Buddy Jones:
I said
anything...for fifty bucks That's right!
Mary:
I really need the fifty bucks you
know I gotta get home!
Buddy Jones:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in
the tool
shed...that's right, you heard right...our big prize tonite is fifty
American
Dollars to the girl with the most exciting
mammalian
protuberances...
Mary:
Here I am!
Buddy Jones:
...as
viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort
of male person's conservative
kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON
UNDERGARMENT! Whoopee! And here comes THE
WATER!
Mary:
EEEK!
Buddy Jones:
No, you'd squeak more if the water
got on you...sounds like you just
got an ice pick in the forehead...AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK
IN THE
FOREHEAD ...a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a
mess...she's totally
soaked...yeh, totally committed to the fifty
bucks...That's it just step into the
spotlight...let the guys get a
good look at ya honey!
Mary:
Here I
am!
Buddy Jones:
Whaddya say, fellas? Nice setta jugs? Now Mary, how's about
shakin'
it around a little...
Mary:
Ooooh!
Buddy Jones:
Oh my
goodness, look at her go!
Mary:
Oooh! I'm dancing! I'm dancing!
Buddy
Jones:
Ain't this what living is really all about! Here's your fifty
bucks
Mary...
Mary:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
Buddy
Jones:
Home is where the heart is.
Mary:
On the bus | | | |  Reddit | X / Twitter | Facebook | Copy link |
|
More Zappa Frank Lyrics:
|
|
|
