|
|
|
- 390,531 lyrics
- 24,313 artists
|
|
|
Lyrics for Your horoscope for today by Weird Al:
| | | Artist: | Weird Al |
| | Album: | Various songs / Unsorted | | Track: | Your horoscope for today | | | | Date Added: | 18/10/2007 | | Views: | 77 | | | | Lyrics: | AQUARIUS!
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes
to the back of a
speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-
Mole 17 hours
a day
PISCES!
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what
those idiots at work say
ARIES!
The look on your face will be priceless when you find
that 40-pound
watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a
hickey
to Meryl Streep
TAURUS!
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna
do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch
of
stuff and then go back to sleep
That's your horoscope for today
That's your
horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
GEMINI!
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your
explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble your fiance
hurls a
javelin through your chest
CANCER!
The position of Jupiter says that you
should spend the
rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of
duct tape up your nose while
taking your driver's test
LEO!
Now is
not a good time to photocopy your butt and
staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat
a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it
down with a gallon of strawberry Quik
VIRGO!
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent -
except for
you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with
your head impaled upon a stick
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
Now you may
find it inconceivable or at the very least
a bit unlikely that the relative position of the
planets
and the stars could have a special deep significance or
meaning that
exclusively applies to only you, but let
me give you my assurance that these forecasts and
predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented
evidence, so you would
have to be some kind of
moron not to realize that every single one of them is
absolutely true.
Where was I?
LIBRA!
A big promotion is just
around the corner for someone
much more talented than you
Laughter is the very best
medicine, remember that
when your appendix bursts next week
SCORPIO!
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall
screaming from an open window
Work a
little bit harder on improving your
low self esteem, you stupid freak
SAGITTARIUS!
All your friends are laughing behind your back...
kill them
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine
you've got hanging in your den
CAPRICORN!
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful
person... but
you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never
never
never never never leave my house again
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
That's your
horoscope for today | | | |  Reddit | X / Twitter | Facebook | Copy link |
|
More Weird Al Lyrics:
|
|
|
